Winter 2010

So can't say this has been the best year for me, but I made it through. I met some new wonderful people who I am proud to call my friends. Went on an amazing vacation and am already planning the next one. Can drive, even if my poor car needs work already. 

Winter break is here and I am gonna take advantage of it believe me. Ahh to sleep in and relax for a day or two, mind you this will be after Christmas when everything is all finished and completed. As for today I will be baking and sewing. Busy Busy Busy. Think I will put on a couple Christmas movies and just go at it.

So everything is still the same. No change. Might have to do with the fact that I'm such a chicken sh*t. It's not like we haven't been down this road before....over and over again. I just don't want to be hurt again. But when he's here or I'm there, it's great. Nothing like cuddling on the couch, watching a movie with the person you've been in love with for over ten years. I just want to believe in everything he's told me. 

So I'm not sure how Christmas is gonna be....i know it's gonna be hard, but thankfully I will have my wonderful family there. 

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and hoping 2011 will be the best <3

well it's been almost six months since my last blog. things have changes as things do in a six months span. And somethings are still the same.

tomorrow is thanksgiving. I am lucky enough to get to go to two. One with my family and one with my best friend's family, but also known as my adopted family. 

its weird to think that she was just here last year celebrating with us, and just had her first chemo treatment. its still really hard some days, i don't think its ever going to be ok with me. there are some random moments when i realize she`s gone and I have no parents. it is the weirdest realization to have. to know that the two people who created you and gone and well before their time.

as much as I hate her not being here, there are good times in my life as well. I have my family who are great. My friends who I would not trade for anything in this whole world and my job which keeps me on my toes.

then there is him. oh so much to say about him. the one boy who has held my heart forever. that one person who knows me inside out. my first love. we had coffee in the summer and just talked. about everything and anything. then later he told me things that made me think. and now three months later i'm still thinking, but now i know what I want. 

*As the time goes by, it gets a little easier to smile. I know I'll never forget everything that you said. You said it's alright, it's all part of life.*

There are days that are easier to deal with. I still get out of bed and head for work. The days go on. 

Then there are the days when i can't breathe. I can't accept the fact that she's gone. I miss her so much.

I keep remembering running as fast as I could to the hospital knowing that I wasn't going to make it. Then just sitting there with her waiting. And it seemed to take forever for them to get there. I still can't handle the street at night time. It's too hard.

It's not fair. I HATE the fact that I have to go through the rest of my life without her. To not have her give me away at my wedding and not hold my babies. 

I am so thankful that I have my family. They make it easier to get through each day. He does too.